There can be nothing as humbling as a visit to your dentist. As he looks into your mouth, he doesn’t see the world with its sun, moon, mountains and oceans, as Yashoda did in her son Lord Krishna’s mouth. He sees cavities and root canals and a scrumptious pile of crisp thousand rupee notes.

“I’m sorry, you have a cavity. You require a root canal. No, make that two!”

Is that glee you see on your dentist’s face as he pronounces judgement? Or is it your guilt speaking? Yes, you have much to be ashamed of. Yours is the guilt of a middle-class Madhavan or Madhavi forced to spend on something that could have been avoided. It’s an offence to the frugal spirit of millions of middle-class Indians who are dragged hissing and spitting to pay their taxes in March every year!

So, what are you guilty of, Cavity Man and Woman? For starters, you didn’t brush your teeth after every meal, after even thinking of eating that gooey pastry, or that sickeningly sweet gulab jamun. You didn’t choose that ultimate toothpaste with the fluoride or carbide or bromide that is supposed to make your teeth as strong as a steel trap. No, isn’t bromide something poisonous that you researched when you were writing your crime thriller? Well, never mind. The crux of the matter is that you didn’t scrub your teeth with that magical toothbrush that polishes as it cleans, nor did you floss…whatever that may be.

And do you even know the right way to brush your teeth? Up, down and in a circular motion over your molars. Or is that your canines? No…can’t be. Doesn’t canine refer to dogs?

Next, coming to heavenly fathers, I’m not talking of the One who wears white robes or a gold, silken dhoti and a peacock feather. I’m talking of earthly fathers who may or may not be on this earth now. The ones who boasted of a full mouth of pearly, strong, healthy teeth when they were in their eighties, with not a cavity in sight. The patient parents who told you to wash out your mouth after every meal, and not to eat all those sticky chocolates…And did you listen? Of course not.

And now, he is claiming his due. Is he the vengeful old god who demands An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Who watches with scorn as your dentist drills and decimates, scorches and scours out the rot within? Or is he the compassionate new-age one who forgives you your sins and releases you from pain in his infinite mercy? Hopefully, he is the latter, wagging one gentle finger in your face as he looks down upon you with a sorrowful eye. Go forth and sin no more…